so that wasnt chicken after all
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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