It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
