Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
