i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize