my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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