my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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