your parents love me but you hate me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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