I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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