Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
