is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
