We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
