I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
