It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
