I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just invented taco cereal.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
