Me too!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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