id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
