No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
