it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
