You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize