If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
