apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
