why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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