Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
