HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
