Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
