why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
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He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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