Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
