i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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