on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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