In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
