My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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