I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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