I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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