Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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