so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
