I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I AM VODKA MAN
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
