Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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