i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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