Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
