I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
