ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
