yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
