You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
