last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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