Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
