she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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