I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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