Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
