Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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