Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals

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(216): View more from Ohio

Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?

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(719): View more from Colorado

One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez

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(678): View more from Georgia

If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....

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(507): View more from Minnesota

i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'

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(803): View more from South Carolina

i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.

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