You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
