I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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