whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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