Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize