I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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