Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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