I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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