PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
