I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Your cock deserves a montage
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
