Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
