No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
