How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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