Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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