my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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