im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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