i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
