On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
