And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
