apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
