remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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