I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
pray to the hookup gods
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My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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