I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
