you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
