Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
