True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
