she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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