her vagine was all disorganized.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
