I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
