Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
